finished a painting.

things to be excited about:
kings of convenience
sleepless in seattle
king size carmello
south park
feist
green tea
christmas (i.e. digital rebel eos)
my awesome brother
project runway season 4
cuddling up by my lonesome
illegal art
almost being done with school
feeling like i should be here, doing this
making good/new friends

living
loving
breathing

today's such a stressful day! holy moly! haha.
registered for my springs classes today, and i wish i felt more satisfied with my schedule. ugh. i managed to work it out so i only have class three days a week, compared to my five days a week i'm doing currently. its not that i don't like my schedule, its just that the courses that i'm working in still fall under the foundation courses for the BFA here at columbia, along with the ultra-mega-boring LAS courses, like new millenium studies (dont even ask me what this course entails, i dont want to know).
Monday:
Art History II: 9:00-11:50
Writing and Rhetoric II: 12:30-1:50
Tuesday:
Drawing I: 8:30-12:20
College Math: 6:30-9:20
Wednesday:
Writing and Rhetoric II: 12:30-1:50
Fundamentals of 2d: 6:00-9:50

overall i think it will be nice only having to go to class three days a week because i finding myself just sleeping in until i have to go to class (we're talking like, 2 or 3 in the afternoon) which is disgusting. i can't keep staying up until 4 in the morning only to wake up a few hours before class, go to class, then do it all again. and on top of all of that i'm still not getting all of my work done. i also need to find a part time job, which i can do if i'm only going to school 3 days a week.

blegh whatever i'm stressed out and feel stupid because i'm so bored in school. yeaaaah boy.

"oh yeah that's my little brother, he has down-syndrom.
yeah you can say hi but when your done just come back here
and we can play checkers or something."
-jenn 2007

i feel like i'm doing the same thing
over n over n over
like moons have moons have moons
(cus they do, here, today)
n' i feel like things are going so fast
all 'round me but i can't slow 'em down
n y'all roll in green grass playing
with lil' boots n' funny bones n' stuff
n' i miss out every day- on the train,
cus i had to do bigger things- (always bigger,
always better) but things
haven't gotten better
just slower
and easier-- with a lot less
trash and alot more green-
blue surrounds me on all five sides but i just
wanna lil'love, wanna lil love
from big city man,
come to the city big man!

so why don't you put a bucket on your head
and call yourself a hat

don't get me wrong, i really love chicago. and i also really think i should be here, but i feel like i'm missing something. it's not that i'm not enjoying myself, and not learning alot (for if anything is certain it would be the incredible amount i'm learning), but i haven't been able to develop the close social connections that everyone else seems to have already done. i just don't have those three or four kids that i can rely on to cram with, to drink with, and to go exploring/adventuring with. the question is, is that so bad? i guess i'm just worried that i'll look back and realize that my first semester in chicago really wasn't THAT great, or i didn't have THAT much fun. what the fuck?! i don't want to feel/think that, and i dont know what to do about it.

why do i not have a few sassy girl friends to take stupid pictures with and go out together?
why do i not (for the first time in my life) have a few awesome guy friends to rely on and spend
every day with?
(***correction. i feel confident and am very glad i met lily and landon. they make me feel like i'm doing something right and that i can still be friends with regular people and have fun.***)

maybe this is what i need to do. to strip down everything i once used as a security (friends, a comfortable/friendly home, drinking and relationships) and for once be able to focus on ME.
not only do i need to become more comfortable independent of other people, but i really need to put more effort into my artwork and get serious when i'm working in the studio.]

ugh. i need to sleep, this is going nowhere.